In my latest post I argued about the notion of choosing One Word for the year. Only I haven’t told you yet what my word is. It’s kind of funny how many words are needed to explain just One Word. pass me try . Just before Christmas, I did something a good blogger is never supposed to do. I disappeared. Without warning. For quite a long time. Five weeks, to be exact. So where did I go? Well, among other places, here: Aaaaaand here. Pretty nice view, huh? 2014 was a burnout year for me. It was incredible, wonderful, and challenging. But by the result of the year, I had nothing left. It wasn’t just the blog, although that was a serious portion of it. I stole on too much all round – commercial decorating jobs, private decorating clients. I observed saying “yes” even when I didn’t appreciate how I could strong those person in. As a stay-home Mum, my “office hours” are closinged to the hours after the kids are in bed. (And as every Mum knows, by the time the kids are finally in bed, you are already fatigued .) I was basically bidding to packet a full-time workload into what should have been my downtime. goning a date shift as well as a night shift, every day of the week. I lover what I do, but I had no margin gone in my life. No moment for “me ” . I couldn’t recall the final day I’d read a book (and I love to read more than anything else.) My matrimony was suffering. I wrestled with feeling frightened and overwhelmed. I remained up later and later, trying to get everything done, and still couldn’t get through it all. I felt like I was letting everyone down, but the only shift that could “ give” was moment for sleep. I was living exhausted. In the mean of all this, we pulled house. You understand what that’s like. My full reality grasped chaotic. But meanwhile, the blog was really moving to take off. New opportunities, more traffic, more success, if only I could just keep those plates spinning and do more. More. Always more. Of course, it was not sustainable. At gut-level, I understood this. But when you’re on a trajectory, it’s so hard to shift course. immortality hurtles faster, you earn elder and more momentum, and how do you pull back from that? I’ve spent so considerable moment and energy building something here; I’m so invested. I wished the growth, the momentum. It was killing me, but wasn’t this what I’d always dreamed of? It stole a wake-up call from my marriage to realise that, no. That is not what I wanted. That’s not what God called me to, here – growth at the expense of everything else: self, sanity and husband included. Even so, when I disappeared, it wasn’t by top – at least, not at first. The shift is, we continued away on a family holiday to Tasmania for a month. And my husband, quite rightly, fix his tail down and said “ no” to blogging. I’m ashamed to admit that it was excruciatingly hard to let go. I had particular Christmas design executed and photographed that I really NEEDED to blog about before Christmas. Those support never won written. They’ll have to wait for next Christmas. It reckoned on me, my absence. It was like this fascinating pull. I concerned about what society would think. How my stats would plummet. Whether I’d ever recuperate momentum. I’d always intended to have support pre-scheduled before we left, but with the house move, the rush of decorating clients, the blogging deadlines, I just didn’t get there. Leaving a silence like that, an empty space, felt weirdly off-balancing. And yet, slowly, I determined to let go. And in the process I gained perspective. My stats did plummet. Of term they did. And at first it grasped so unpleasant to watch – like a private failing. But then I realized what I was doing. How stupid it was, allowing myself feel shocked over some numbers on a screen. How ridiculous! How meaningless! They’re not a gauge of my success, and never will be. When I get to the end of my life, do I think people will be standing around my grave shaking their head over the state of my blog traffic in December 2014? I would hope folks will say this: She continued well. She captivateded her spouse and her kids and her friends. She put God first and she had an impact in this world. The final check only ever stream from the first . I had it all the unfair step around . So what have I been doing the past five weeks that I haven’t been blogging? I found starfish in rockpools with my children. I read a book a week – inhaled the stories like someone coming up for air. I had long indulgent baths looking out over the bay. I watched the flames flickering in the fireplace and thought about nothing at all. I went on long hikes that left my muscles aching and my spirit full. I reconnected with my husband, the wonderful man I’m blessed to have been married to for fourteen years. I visited windswept playgrounds to watch my kids climb and run and laugh. I tasted delicious and unusual new foods, like a tofu taco with mint and cabbage salad, pickled cucumber and cashew ginger aioli. I spent long minutes holding the warm weight of my daughter and stroking her silky curls. Allegra at 2 – nickname “Diva”. I laughed and confided with dear soul-friends. I tickled and tackled and snuggled with my boys. I ate too many cheese platters and drank too much good coffee and wine. I visited new places and learned more about this beautiful country I call home. I ate squashed sandwiches from a backpack on soaring, wind-swept cliffs. I watched my children giggle with their grandparents. I wept at a memorial site. I listened to live music and felt the beat through my feet. I made pizzas with friends and ate them hot and crisp from the pizza oven they built themselves. I watched yachts sail safe into harbour. I cuddled babies and saw all the potential of a life yet to be lived in their enormous blue eyes. I totally did not pose my children in this awesomely cheesy fashion, FYI. They just did it all on their own. Synchronised stair sleeping. It’s the latest thing. What didn’t happen? Emails and blog comments didn’t get replied to in a timely manner. latest column didn’t get written. job didn’t get done. And you perceive what? The sun observed shining. The planet observed turning. Maybe some folks snatch their head at me. Maybe I failed society or even offended them. I’ve concerned a yard in my life over what people think of me. Only I suppose I’ ve happen to realise that I nurse most of all what my family thinks of me . That happens first. That’s most important. So what’s my dialect for 2015? You’ve probably already guessed. The shift is, I plan to be here for the long term. I don’t want to flare bright and burn out in my first or second year. So maybe that means my blogging calendar will look several from most. Maybe I won’t be capable to blog three moment a week like I’d planned. Maybe… gasp … some weeks I won’t be capable to blog at all. I mean, cheerful anguish – carry last week for example! This post was written a week ago, and I ran into some irritating technical problems that kept me up all hours and prevented me from posting any sooner. But the world kept turning and today my firstborn started Grade One and tomorrow my second son will start Prep, and note to self, what’s more important – really? All that to say, if you’re the sort of reader who likes to check in regularly and see what’s new, I provide you to subscribe by email, so my column come straight to you at their personal unique pace. (Plus you’ll get my clear e-book that has been getting honest reaction from women all over the world – you check read senior about it here. What’s not to lover ?) It’s not that I’ve lost my soul for what I’m doing, or that I’ve run out of ideas and inspiration. Quite the different – this appreciates a little like gently applying the handbrake while hurtling down the motorway at one hundred km an hour. I’m senior fired up and elated about this blog than ever. My mind is constantly erupting with artistic ideas, new projects, fresh topics. Just this morning I passed down and wrote a list of fifteen recent posts I’m dying to write. I have far senior text than I have time to blog about it. My important distress right now is time; time to make it all happen. One date when the kids are all in school I’d love to work from home full-time performing this, but in the meantime, I’m not going to wish my reality away. My main model right now is as a mother and wife, and I’m committed to giving my husband and kids the best of me. I’m not going to offer them the waste of my time and attention. And if we check project out some sort of universe-defying balance so that everyone’s needs are met and I can simultaneously thrive in this poetic business venture… well, that will be awesome too. My end is to thrive, so rest easy, I do have some universe-defying plans in place. � Plus I have some awesome new opportunities coming up this year that I CANNOT wait to share with you! What I do appreciate is that I’m going to continue to do my utter best here, without sacrificing the person that matter. I’m going to guard my matrimony and protect the margin that I need to stay reasonable and healthy. I’m going to say “ no” to stuff, even some really good stuff. And even if that means I don’t prosper this blog quite as quickly as I would have liked… even if it means happening a rich smoke and releasing my perfectionist expectations of myself… I know it’s all going to turn out okay. Here’s to balance. Let’s chat: Have you ever wrestled to find account in your life? Do you have a word for this year? I wire up at these parties!
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