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Married woman cheating

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Sexual desire

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If you read the work of Esther Perel, the author of the recently published book “State of Affairs,” you’ll learn that, for many wives, sex outside of marriage is their way of breaking free from being the responsible spouses and mothers they have to be at home. The first time I saw my favorite married man pick up his pint of beer, the sleeve of his well-tailored suit pulled back from his wrist to reveal a geometric kaleidoscope of tattoos. But they were mostly good-natured about it, like a patient father responding to a child who keeps asking, “Why, why, why?” Maybe I was being too pragmatic about issues that are loaded with guilt, resentment and fear.

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What surprised me was that these husbands weren’t looking to have more sex. They were looking to have any sex. I met one man whose wife had implicitly consented to her husband having a lover because she was no longer interested in sex, at all. They both, to some degree, got what they needed without having to give up what they wanted. But the other husbands I met would have preferred to be having sex with their wives. For whatever reason, that wasn’t happening. I know what it feels like to go off sex, and I know what it’s like to want more than my partner. It’s also a tall order to have sex with the same person for more years than our ancestors ever hoped to live. Then, at menopause, a woman’s hormones suddenly drop and her desire can wane. At 49, I was just about there myself, and terrified of losing my desire for sex. Men don’t have this drastic change. So we have an imbalance, an elephant-size problem, so burdensome and shameful we can scarcely muster the strength to talk about it. maybe the reason some wives aren’t having sex with their husbands is because, as women age, we long for a different kind of sex. I know I did, which is what led me down this path of illicit encounters. After all, nearly as many women are initiating affairs as men. If you read the work of Esther Perel, the author of the recently published book “State of Affairs,” you’ll learn that, for many wives, sex outside of marriage is their way of breaking free from being the responsible spouses and mothers they have to be at home. Married sex, for them, often feels obligatory. An affair is adventure. Meanwhile, the husbands I spent time with would have been fine with obligatory sex. For them, adventure wasn’t the main reason for their adultery. The first time I saw my favorite married man pick up his pint of beer, the sleeve of his well-tailored suit pulled back from his wrist to reveal a geometric kaleidoscope of tattoos. He was cleanshaven and well mannered with a little rebel yell underneath. The night I saw the full canvas of his tattoo masterpiece, we drank prosecco, listened to ’80s music and, yes, had sex. We also talked. I asked him: “What if you said to your wife, ‘Look, I love you and the kids but I need sex in my life. Can I just have the occasional fling or a casual affair?’” He sighed. “I don’t want to hurt her,” he said. “She’s been out of the work force for ten years, raising our kids and trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life. If I asked her that kind of question, it would kill her.” “So you don’t want to hurt her, but you lie to her instead. Personally, I’d rather know.” Well, maybe I would rather know. My own marriage had not broken up over an affair so I couldn’t easily put myself in her position. “It’s not necessarily a lie if you don’t confess the truth,” he said. “It’s kinder to stay silent.” “I’m just saying I couldn’t do that. I don’t want to be afraid of talking honestly about my sex life with the man I’m married to, and that includes being able to at least raise the subject of sex outside of marriage.” “Good luck with that!” he said. “We go into marriage assuming we’ll be monogamous,” I said, “ but then we get restless. We don’t want to split up, but we need to feel more sexually alive. why break up the family if we could just accept the occasional affair?” He laughed. “How about we stop talking about it before this affair stops being fun?” I never convinced any husband that he could be honest about what he was doing. But they were mostly good-natured about it, like a patient father responding to a child who keeps asking, “Why, why, why?” Maybe I was being too pragmatic about issues that are loaded with guilt, resentment and fear. After all, it’s far easier to talk theoretically about marriage than to navigate it. But my attitude is that if my spouse were to need something I couldn’t give him, I wouldn’t keep him from getting it elsewhere, as long as he did so in a way that didn’t endanger our family. I suppose I would hope his needs would involve fishing trips or beers with friends. But sex is basic.
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Married woman cheating, Sexual desire, word tag cloud, wort und tag wolke

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https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/06/style/modern-love-sleeping-with-married-men-infidelity.html

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